Stay-listening

ok, so here was Thursday's goal: http://www.handinhandparenting.org/news/166/64/Offering-Reassurance

Basically, it's being there for your kids even when they're being a brat. "I understand you're upset. I'm here for you."  Sticking to your guns but being comforting at the same time. And honestly, I'm pretty good about that, most of the time.  As opposed to some of the parenting tips I've learned that are hard all the time, this one is easy when I choose to do it. It's the choosing that's difficult. Today was difficult.

I just found out my son was not invited to a b-day party of a classmate. I know it shouldn't matter but it did.  I had just had that classmate over to my house not a month ago and talked to his mom for a couple of hours. She has been promising for a month that she would reciprocate. I found out about the b-day party when I called another pre-school friend of my daughter's for a playdate, and her mom said she couldn't become because she was at that kid's b-day party.  I know my son is better friends with that kid then the girl I was inviting over, so I can only assume he wasn't invited because of me.

See, I am not a super-social outgoing person.  I don't know how to small talk well (another legacy from my mom, who can't make it at all). I say hi to the other moms at drop off, but we're not facebook friends. I guess I will try to rectify that next year when they start public school; facebook does seem to be the great equalizer.  Anyway, the whole thing may me feel rejected (irrational perhaps, but there it is) and hurt.  So I was in an extremely bad mood, and when I'm in a bad mood, I go into me emotional cave (thanks for that too, Mom--wow I have got serious Mommy issues). I don't want to talk, don't want to be talked to, nothing.  

That's not entirely true. I go into an emotional cave with my family.  I would love to reach out to friends, but I don't really have any anymore.  That's not entirely true, I live a in a great neighborhood, and I do go out with my neighbors sometimes and enjoy hanging out with them. But we are all busy. We're moms, we have jobs/school, it's not like high school or college anymore.  And my best friends are useless in the venting department, since neither of them have children.

I need something to force me out of my cave. It's hard to talk to my kids normally, but when I'm depressed, I just resent it. Since there's no easy fix for that, I'm going to just set a goal to do something positive with the kids.  Tomorrow night we'll try to do taco night and a pajama walk.  A pajama walk is when you get the kids totally ready for bed and then take them around the block in their pajamas.  Sounds lame, but I've read about it in a couple of places and it seems easy, so we'll try.

Oh, back to stay-listening--the reason I find it easy is because I know what I'm supposed to say. As opposed to so many of the other parenting moments when it's ad-hoc (lib?) and I have no idea what to do next, this one's easy. They're crying/pouting/whatever, and I just acknowledge their feelings and comfort them as best I can. Easy--when I'm up to it.